I tried to blog a couple times while I had a cast on my arm, but one-handed typing is exhausting and frustrating. So, I always gave up. But now that the cast is gone, I have to work on flexibility, and flattening my wrist enough to type is a great exercise, so here it goes.
Where to begin. I have been studying Romans at my womens bible study on Wednesdays, and in my alone time, I have been reading about Paul's thorn, which he asked God to remove from him 3 different times. But God left that thorn in Paul's life, whatever it was--physical ailment, bad relationship--it's not specified. But every time I read the description of a thorn, I think of my current job situation. It drains me, it causes me to lose sleep, it makes me feel inferior and lost and scared. I know none of these feelings are from God, so that means Satan is supplying them, right? So why does Satan have such a hold on my life right now? Why can I walk around work smiling and greeting people with my outgoing personality, then cry myself into exhaustion every night at the thought of going back?
It's a rough road I'm on, and Kyle is right there with me. He sees (and is forced to hear) my pain, and he is growing into a wonderfully supportive husband as a result. He has a tendency to brush negativity off with sayings like, "That's life," or "It's a job, it's supposed to make you miserable," but when I told him how much those things make me feel hopeless, he has really risen to the occasion. The other night was especially horrible. I couldn't get work off my mind. It was also my day off and I had just had my cast removed, so my doctor had said that I needed to take a bath and work out my arm underwater. So while I was having a meltdown at 10 o'clock at night, Kyle ran me a bubble bath and put votive candles all around it. He really doesn't want me to feel this way, and niether does God. So I just have to remember that this is my thorn, and as much as God wants to remove it, and my husband wants to drown my sorrows in a bubble bath, I have to remember that when I am ready, God will remove me from this rough road. And until then, I will try to be the best version of myself.
On a positive note, I bought my plane tickets to go to Texas for the birth of my niece. Four whole days of my three favorite things: Texas, sister(s) and traveling will be a much-needed break from the mutiny of my thorn issue. And after that, I have Thanksgiving to look forward to, for which I will be traveling to Georgia! I know that the remaineder of this year will fly by. Living day off to day off really eats up the weeks and blends them into a mushy memory of "what just happened??" And today is my day off, so I plan to get my nails done, orgainize our dvd collection, and make boring calls to my insurance providers.