It is only 11:09 am and I already can think of 10 things that I have melted down about today. Whenever I have a melt-down, I hone in on certain aspects of myself that are just utterly abomanable and come to near tears over them. In my most recent (10 mintues ago) meltdown over the fact that I forgot my transcripts in my car, I then poured out my self-pity sorrow on the nearest ear.
10. My weight. "Not only am I a forgetful whore, I look fat and frumpy today in my maternity shirt."
9. My face. "I am so forgetful that I fogot to bring makeup to school, now I am sweaty and melting and look afright."
8. My sleep. "Now I will never be able to sleep more than 6 hours a night because I will be so busy remembering not to FORGET anything else."
7. My overall intelligence. "I am so dense. I cannot believe how stupid I am in forgetting those transcripts. I will fail college undoubtedly."
6. My relationships. "I am sorry that I am such a weirdo complainer and I understand if you would rather ignore me for the rest of the day."
5. My sanity. "Maybe I should go to therapy this week. I think I am falling apart."
4. My future. "Today is not just any Tuesday. It is the Tuesday that could ruin my future if I dont get my act together and start being a better student."
3. My commitments. "I might have to quit college because my hair is going to start falling out."
~3a. My hair. "Not only am I as forgetful as one, I have the hair like one. I was running out of hairspray this morning and now I am a frizz!"
2. My grades. "My grades are going to suffer because I am too stressed to study so now I must blog."
1. My Precipitation. "I have to calm down now or am I going to start sweating. And if I start sweating then I will look disgusting and smell. Now I might cry. I have to get off the phone now or I might start crying."
Meltdowns are a common but rare side effect of journalism school and you should not take them if you are pregnant or may become pregnant. Common side effects include crying, whining, pity parties and self-loathing.
I am fine now. Plus I took this funny picture in the library moments ago, in honor of The Office starting on Thursday.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID